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untouched

(hm. call me slow, but I just realized the sexual innuendo in the title of the veronicas' single. heh. O.o... gross.): ohwell. love it anyway. the song, I mean T_T)

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in other news.. my entire body is aching........ I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and my thigh muscle and my abs (the part of my body, not like I actually have any HAHA) hurting like siao. PE LAH WALAO ): partially depressed cos yesterday had to run shuttle run and I SUCKED cos my leg muscle hurt every time I try and run faster. shit. I WANT THAT A MAN AT LEAST FOR SHUTTLE RUN D:

yes so anyways.

I was doing seahist just now and I realize that I have this partiality towards indonesia, haha -.- cos every single point I made I had indonesia as a case study. seriously. I'd show you my outline some time, but people just don't go sharing term paper outlines after passing up their term paper. haha.

it's like I WASH MY HANDS OF YOU, STUPID DUMBASS TERM PAPER. gr.

maybe not.

maybe I'm just tired. talking a lot of crap today, aren't I?

alright, back to racking my brains. MATH MATH MATH ALL THE WAY.

):

tough titty

(disclaimer: before you jump back in horror at the vulgarity of the title, I'd like to say that it's an expression. contrary to popular belief, I am not prone to saying obscene random things about tits whenever I feel like it. :) )

prepare yourself for an extremely long post! haha I have lots of things to say, I was sitting at the raja block alone today after remedial and I got the chance to think about a few things. haha. here goes.

people would rather believe in something they want to be true, than admit that they've made a mistake in sizing up the situation, or in this case, sizing up the person..

what I mean to say is that, when you are inclined by your emotions to believe something, you just go ahead and believe it, and you subconsciously refuse to be objective about things even though you know you're being subjective.

let's say you encounter someone in your life, who seems to be the living embodiment of a lot of the qualities that you dislike in a person. emphasis on 'seems to'. I guess it's only human nature that you naturally take a disapproving stance against that person.. but it takes time for the real person to make himself known... if you get what I mean. you don't just KNOW what the person's real sentiments, beliefs, and values are overnight, it takes time what.

this particular person turns out not to be the kind of person you initally made him out to be. but because from the outset you've decided that you really don't like the person, you choose to distance yourself from the person cos you think you know what the person's all about. and even when the cold hard facts are staring you straight in the face, you set up a barrier between yourself and the truth because it's easier to fan your emotions and go along with your initial judgement, than to see that damn you've really made a mistake.

personally I feel that the only reason for this is naked pride. you really don't wanna know that you were letting your emotions dictate your perceptions. people would rather believe something their emotions tell them is the right thing to do, than choose to use their head and not heart to think things through. though they would rarely admit it...

I wish that were not so. that seems like an incredibly naive thing to say right now, but if I just temporarily drop the slight jadedness, it's true, I really wish people would be more objective when they're trying to decide what kind of person you are.

it's an injustice to the person you're prejudicing yourself against. and it's just plain stupid that you're doing that to yourself, I think it just highlights your simple-mindedness..

and I wanted to say something else, but I forgot, I'm getting too worked up... ):

well one more thing.... no matter how much you wish people wouldn't judge you, especially those who don't know you very well, it's inevitable. some people are gonna judge you and classify you as 'good kid' or 'bad kid' and sometimes it doesn't even matter what you do about it. that one thing that you did to make them judge you this way just defines who you are, to them at least. it is unfair and completely illogical, but like I said, I think it's just because they would rather believe something they think is true, than see what the truth really is.

yup... I think no one has any reason to be that afraid of people judging them, if they are it's because they're insecure about those particular flaws in their character. to me it doesn't matter that people want to put emphasis on those flaws, you just have to know that those flaws don't make you a completely bad person, just someone who's less than perfect. it's more important that you disregard their judgement and actively work towards improving yourself with regards to these flaws...

awright, I'ma stop here. this feels weird, I'm so not used to this, it kinda feels like I'm preaching -.- but still, it's good letting loose. I don't really like to keep my opinions to myself most of the time, haha so I guess I should do this more... just not too much. lol.

back to econs. my life sucks. (resounding cheer: JOIN THE CLUBBBB)

(oh yeah, this entire post was inspired by someone. but the post isn't really directed to that person. it's just my musings lah I guess...)

listening to gay songs keeps me awake. thank heavens for tata young and the spice girls. woots. oh and aqua. 8D

in other news... I'm not in love with anyone lahhh. ): don't just assume I like somebody just because I spend a lot of time with that someone or am just nicer to that person in general. I mean I understand why conclusions like that tend to be made, but I'm not like that lah. if I hang out with one guy more than I hang out with other guys it's not because I'm interested in him in that way, it's just.. because. why not?

if that seemed a little random, here's the justification: it's tiring getting that knowing look from people, think they know who I like when I DON'T EVEN LIKE ANYBODY AT THE MOMENT. sod offf. -.-

back to econs.

oh my god. you're so gay it bites!

GAYGAYGAY.

I'm gonna take a leaf out of katy perry's book and say, you're so gay and you don't even like boys!

HAHAHAHA

oh my godddddd. ): why did I even like you in the first place? oh my freaking goddddddddddd D: oh I know, thought you were damn sensitive, but actually it's just that you're damn JIWANGGG JIWANG LIKE CRAZY OMG.

okay enough with the omgs. -.-

but seriously!! DAMN GAYYYY AHHHH.

welcome to the days of weariness;

(mm post title's from kina granns' strong enough :))

wah life damn tough. I need to sleep earlier man, been having headaches since two weeks ago, every morning and every night. I think it's just that I don't feel it as much when I go to school because there's so much stuff to do in school that I just forget about my headache.

which is absurd, really. luckily it also means that it's not very serious. well not really.

then this morning I woke up feeling fine! but when I went off to french class I had to sit down somewhere and close my eyes, because I felt like somebody was trying to pry the top of my head open with a crowbar. okay maybe not with a crowbar, something less extreme, a spanner maybe? hm. whatever

yea that's enough of that. point is, get more sleep!

ohdear there's so many things to do this weekend. but I'm focusing on math, because I decided to hand in my econs essay one day late, to wait for my econs tuition teacher to go through the thing first so I don't hand in a crap essay which I know I will, if I don't wait for him. heh.

alright, back to doing math assignment. -.- bye guys.

candy-coated

OH, EM, GEE! my brain is about to burst. first it was two hours of math, differential equations T.T and I managed to do four dumbass questions. yeah I'm not kidding. and then now it's x hours of gp, on politics!

ahhh I wish I was smart(er) sometimes, so I could breeze through everything. damn. ohwell. she better have lots of good stuff to say about the gp presentation tmr okay, put so much effort and brainpower into it.

I got my second B+ of the year today! for the lit holiday homework :) do I rock, or do I rock. oh I KNOW, I rule.

yeahh -.- I DO need to announce it to the whole wide world :) cos everyone should know when I don't get a C or anything worse than that. so everyone can share in my joy

what the hell. I think I'm just tired. I'll focus on the task at hand now, bye.

cos I'm not a princess

and this ain't a fairytale

and yet I'm still sputtering in your wake, where did the time go? it was over before I knew it'd even started

I'm so sorry

ooh I do have one more thing to say.

when a relationship becomes a burden whichever way you look at it, how do you deal with it?

don't worry, nothing happened. well nothing life-changing or anything. nothing immensely serious, la. let's just say I was just being very pensive on the way home today.

oh yea, I'm not just limiting this to boy-girl issues by the way, that just seems so shallow at the moment.

relationships are never supposed to be a burden to you, right? I mean obviously, when you choose to forge a friendship with someone, you're obligated to hang out with that person and be there for that person, but it doesn't seem like something to add to your to-do list, it's just natural that you would do the things necessary to maintain that relationship.

but if somewhere along the way, you start to feel pressurized to do these things, that it's not so much a voluntary act anymore, how do you deal with it?

obviously the question of why it's not so much a voluntary act anymore comes to mind.. what if the answer is, "we're just different, sometimes we're not even on the same wavelengths, and lately it's been getting harder and harder to maintain a conversation with him/her."

then what? I mean the person is a friend, and well friends have to do what friends are supposed to do. hang out, have fun, crack jokes, confide in one another, that sort of stuff.. but if you don't feel like you enjoy doing those things anymore, what do you do? and it's not because you don't 'like' the person, it's because you don't feel like there's anything much to talk about recently.. very sad ):

on the one hand, not doing those things could hurt the person's feelings, but on the other hand... you would really rather not fake enjoying the connection anymore..

the lesser of two evils?

tell me it's not just me being mean that's making me see this particular relationship as a burden ):

hot damn!

I'm so tired sey. just finished math tuition, a whopping two hours of vectors, vectors and more vectors, and a little bit of p&c.

I will probably not be as productive at home as I was last year, which is kinda sad. because this year seems to be damn tiring for everyone, and even though I don't really run all over the place a lot, maybe it's just the long commute home that's tiring, I don't exactly know, but by the time I reach home, I feel exhausted. and I can only spend maybe 2 hours tops doing work, and after dinnertime I never feel like buckling down to work again.

which is maybe something I need to change, but we'll see. as of now, not yet I guess.. I used to spend 4 hours straight studying last year, every night. now have to do everything in school. which is fine by me, I guess. only staying in school for the sole purpose of studying, is a little bit suffocating sometimes. even if I AM j2, and even if I'm expected to do that as a j2 -.- lerr

and I should STOP slacking! the only effort I've been putting in is for revising all the j2 work so far.. and that doesn't include homework. you know there's something about me and homework, I just have this shutdown when it comes to doing homework, but then when it comes to actually studying and well mugging, I don't mind at all. it's so weird.

and I should change that. definitely. be The Prioritizer. haha.

kay so I have to be more efficient. woo. go me. and I've got nothing more to say. here's to me being a good student :)

(santina loves you! wahahaha :D)

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough

with every decision to leave someone behind, heartbreak follows. healing is a slow process, and I know I don't really have a problem with leaving him behind, but all the same it hurts, and just this once I'd like to drop everything, forget why I refuse to let it show, and just let my heart ache, the way it's supposed to.

"where are we?"
"punggol"
"what? isn't that a game?"
"huh?"
"pongo"
"PUNGGOL!"
".........-really long pause-.....ohhhh."

T_T

"happy valentine's day! omigod, you're so beautiful today"
"...shut up la, idiot."

(x

"what's your name again?"
-I say my name-
"gesundheit!"
"what?"
"nevermind, cheap thrill. I didn't catch that, though, can you say your name again?"
-name-
"bless you"
"huh????"
"you just sneezed right, do you want a tissue?"
".....gee, thanks. good to know that my name sounds like a sneeze. how is your name supposed to be pronounced again?"
"KHaliq"
"oh no, dyou have phlegm in your throat? don't spit it out here, go toilet then spit out!"

HAHAHA

"eh someone took my tobeterone!"
".....-long pause- tobeterone??"

TOBLERONE :D

lol just wanted to remember the convos before I forget haha

of insane chords and finger-burning riffs

(that's the title because I just finished playing gh3, hands damn numb sey)

wahh I think by the end of this term I'll have mastered the art of shovelling food into my mouth with one hand and writing down stuff with the other.

considering the fact that that's basically how I've been studying this entire term, it's quite probable that I will have also gained x kg by the end of this term, where x > 20, because it's becoming a habit for me to eat heavy food while studying. erk. -.-

valentine's day yesterday was spent in malaysia. pity that more of my cousins weren't there, though. would have been funner. nevertheless, dinner (at this seaside restaurant in jb, and no pictures, because I'm tired of being a camwhore) was quite entertaining, because of the presence of my two young nephews!

well technically not nephews, because they're my cousin's sons, but I don't know what to call them leh. -.- my cousin decided not to drive into m'sia because he's too noob at driving to know which way is which in jb. haha. he and his family sat in my car for the entire time. so car rides yesterday were accompanied by sheer pandemonium, courtesy of haziq and hariz haha :) who needs to listen to chester bennington screaming away on your mp3 when you have them. -.-

but they're so cute. always fighting tho.

kay I've got to finish my term paper now, goodbye.

(ps hi diwei if you're reading this tmr I will try and irritate the pants off of you, for no particular reason. cheers :D I don't know why I just said that, damn random..)

been missing you crazy!

had a discussion with frenchmates just now about what ideal qualities my valentine should have.

(not that I have a valentine, erm. I just refuse to help revive the economy by getting out there and creating demand for the gift shops and restaurants and what not.)

righttttttt

anyway well here they are. it's time I moved on sia. wasting my time on that idiot. oh but sorry it's censored! haha :)

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yeah maannn :)

like a hard candy with a surprise center

ooh.. I shouldn't have come online, my headache's coming back with a vengeance. as if it isn't bad enough already that it made me sleep at the specs gal without bothering to move to some other conducive sleeping environment within the school compound.

well first things first.. happy valentine's day :) here's to all the happy couples out there and may yall keep the love alive forever and ever :) :)

now moving on. I watched benjamin button! it's not an awesome movie, but it's good cos it makes you think about stuff. it's very touching the way benjamin gets dementia when he 'ages towards childhood'.. and also when he dies as the newborn in daisy's arms.

of course brad pitt looks as roguishly handsome as ever, but I just think cate blanchett looks skeleton-like. O.o but she is pretty in this bony way.. don't know how that works.

that's done. now I have to be honest. last night I kinda couldn't go to sleep for about two whole hours because I was thinking about vday stuff, and I was quite depressed because I still haven't found someone special enough.. and more importantly, that no one considers me special enough in that way.

before you roll your eyes (x I had some alone time today before watching benjy button, and I realized that it's my own fault that nobody wants to think of me as being someone special, because erm every time someone does that I end up getting pissed off at that person at some point in time. haha. and it's for the simple reason that well erm it's irritating you know. -.-

maybe it's me, maybe it's their own fault, budden somehow or other the situation can only have two possible resolutions. the first involves me exercising some semblance of patience and empathy, but that almost never works out in any situation.. heh. >< so I end up losing it. and losing it quite badly. haha.

and the second is I just ignore the person because he's not annoying, neither is he someone that I would love to be associated with in that way. in other words, erm I don't care.

so then I have nobody to blame but myself for not having a blossoming love life right? aiyo. KENTAL TAIK BAKKWA SIAL. hahahaha (x

kay. now I must really go sleep. my eyelids are acting like magnets man, I swear they're so attracted to one another it's insane. good night.

that letter you wrote me

still smells just like you

damn those sweet memories.

randomites

1. damn, I'm fricking tired. -.- been feeling sick since yesterday, stay away from me compadres..... unless you want an excuse to pon school?

2. 2009 is gonna rush past, but somehow each day will seem extremely long to me. don't know how that works. put simply, there's tons of work to be done

3. the question of the hour: "why am i not...?" what the question SHOULD BE: "why do I even worry about such a stupid issue?" -.-

4. I want to have faith in you but I don't have anything real to put my faith in, but I can't lose what I never had. how hopeless/pathetic is that. damnit.

5. vday makes me depressed.

6. why do I always want more than what I already have? -.-

7. higher self-esteem is my most important non-academic goal.

hit me like a ray of sun

halo is my new favourite song. from beyonce :)

tonight I'm strangely at peace with myself. just contented for some reason, though I am aware of all my flaws...

seems this year will be a year that calls for a lot of growing up... well I'm all for it. I want to grow up. quite frankly, I'm dying to grow up. spiritually, mentally, emotionally... I think the reason why I wanna do it is because I wanna navigate myself around the adult world. "adult", actually, because I'm technically not 18 yet...

and as for the other major issue in my life. ie ALEVELS.

BRING IT ON, BABY. BRING. IT. ON.

huahua okay so now moving on :) let's talk about the weekend!

well first of all, there it goes. flying away in the distance... I wanted to use it to do ihist term paper! at least do the outline, because I don't have the book references yet. and today was the only day left to do it, because saturday one whole day I was out.

after madrasah thought want to go home, then my mum suggested going to labrador park. and then we went to mt faber. and then to vivocity. and then now I'm quite tired and though I already reread my ihist notes, I can't seem to get my brain to churn out anything that has an ounce of intellectual worth. -.-

but at least tomorrow there's econs tuition. at 730, no less. T.T that means a good six hours of rotting in school. I have to go to orchard and run an errand for my dad, but then still got four hours at the least.. should be good enough!

moving on!

saturday. mcs orientation!

damn fun eh :) had amazing race, which I honestly thought would be more tiring than fun, but it wasn't so bad. it's fun being the facilitator! cos right, you know all the answers to the clues and the tasks at each station, and the answers all damn lame, so while the poor j1s sweat it out you just RILEK ONE CORNERRRRR.... and laugh at them hahaha :P

but it was honestly very fun. my group came in last but that doesn't matter. haha. made a few new friends and hung out with old friends...

random convo between me and zul. it was the last station ready, marina barrage, and we were supposed to look for wally the water droplet. zul thought it was willy at first.

z: we supposed to look for willy right? I don't see any willy
s: ..that's kinda sick.
z: ?
s: you know what willy means right?
z: ....yeahhhh
s: I see lots of willies, but not The Willy.
z: SICK! eh it's WALLY lah.

hahahaha. (x

k I'm tired, and I think I'm falling sick. ewwwww. :x bye.

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the best damn thing!

myohmy, takefive this year was definitely a blast. way more fun than last year's take five. though, admittedly last year's takefive had a distraction who's already graduated haha.

well I thought it was gonna be boring, but it wasn't! had quite a bit of fun. I think this year's talentime was definitely more entertaining than last year's :)

went shopping at bugis and orchard afters.. and then when everyone left I still hadn't gotten my stuff so I went to far east and looked for it alone. got it, and now I've got zero dollars left in my wallet woohooooo

but it was so tiring man. I mean not like I played any games at takefive or was so actively involved in any way but just walking around so much takes a toll on your legs.

yes well. it's time to really get down to business. down and DIRTY. ew. ): tmr's gone, so I'll only have sunday to do stuff! stuff as in, homework. the must repulsive word ever known to mankind...

I'm losing my mind a little bit, it's late and I'm damn tired so I guess I'll turn in now. see you guys!

if I wrote you a love note
and made you smile with every word I wrote
would that make you wanna change your scene,
and be the one on my team?

"give me that!" -beats- "ow! what did I just hit?! are you wearing a belt?"

"huh what's so painful, I've got nothing hard on me now!"
"...stare at me long enough and you will."

HAHAHA :)

"wow they really know how to make up people."
"huh."
"I mean make people up."
"he's not made up what!"
"I mean MAKE-UP PEOPLE!" -points frantically to face-

glazed over

well I basically have a lot of stuff to do. between seahist outline, math tutorial, reading econs notes, and a whole lot of mugging, I'm not really supposed to be here. but I need the 'emotional release' that venting out my frustrations gives me.

bus rides are quite hateful sometimes. especially at peak hour. I'm already so tired after staying back late in school, and as if that's not enough, I still have to dread the long commute home. which takes about an hour. one hour of squished discomfort, being tossed around up and down the aisle like a lucky draw coupon in one of those containers where they blow the coupons all around and you stick your hand in and grab a random one.

it wouldn't be HALF so bad if people actually smiled or didn't look that grave every time they come home. I swear they all have the same grim looks on their faces all the way home, it rubs off on me know, and I hate it.

plus it really makes me see the monotony of city life.

if only I was a rich b*tch. I'd have a stretch limo come pick me up every single day after school, complete with a mini-fridge warm velvet seats and a ps3, along with 42-inch plasma tv. THAT WOULD BE THE LIFE.

okay, rant done. :) moving on to happier topics!

I think I'm in love again. :) bwahaha well you know what I mean when I say I'm in love. basically I'm infatuated.

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anyway I'd like to publicly announce the fact that I got a B for gp timed essay assignment. and I'd like to emphasize that I DIDN'T HAVE A SINGLE COUNTERARGUMENT. HOW COOL AM I TO GET A B WITHOUT EVEN HAVING A BALANCED ESSAY. the fact remains that she might have been very lenient indeed, but I'd just like to revel in the moment. she said I drastically improved!

hahaha MAN THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLY EGOISTIC. ohwell. maybe I'm a closet egoist, woo. no lah. it's called high self-esteem, didn't you know?

(on the other hand, it also goes to show just how often a B comes my way. don't even talk about an A. this is depressing. ): )

okaylah I'll stop now, it's getting irritating, I know. -.- seahist here I come! D:

twist to fit the mold that I am in

yay WOOHOO so I'm not moving to lj after all haha :) evidently.

I found a way to password protect my posts! never knew you could do that with blogger :P I'm so glad lahh. you know how frustrating it is to edit lj layouts? omg. or maybe it's just me, but EVEN SO.

I didn't delete the other blog, though. I just took away the template and replaced it with the 'moved' one. cos I didn't want people going into the archives and being able to read everything I don't want them to, but at the same time I wanted to keep all my posts.

see, currently I know of a certain group of people who are reading my blog without my knowledge, and um frankly, it's embarrassing because well I don't want them to read some of the shit I say here. though I can't really blame them because after all this blog USED to be a public blog. but now it's not!

not really anyways. I just don't want the wrong people reading stuff I write when I'm pissed or when I'm emo or stuff. I never thought I'd be the one who'd get into this internet privacy thing and stuff, but well now I am so THERE.

NOW TRYING SNOOPING ON ME, SUCKAS. HAHAHA -maniacal laugh-

and I know, for everyone who's known me since um sec1 I've changed blogs like a LOT. hahaha which is why I don't really give a hoot whether you want to relink or not, because if I were you I'd be irritated, so there hahaha :)

ohyes, and I was getting tired of my blogskin and all the needless clicking to do to get to the tagboard and the posts and the links and whatever other shit, so yea I changed it and now it's much more simplified. YAY.

[plus diwei says that when 'just dance' comes on, and it's the middle of the night, the first few notes sound really scary, which is quite hilarious come to think of it! xD]

AIYAAAAA MY MAID COOKING SAMBAL ALAMAK. COUGHING LIKE MAD NOW LA AIYO D:

okay so now I'm moving on. ask me for the password! cheers.

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