I haven't been able to sleep well this past week. really bogged down by my own thoughts. insecurity, you might say. insecurities.

I wrote this, I actually wrote this, at about 1 in the morning yesterday, after 1 fruitless hour of trying in vain to just to go to sleep.

it's as though my flesh has become intangible, liquidated. I am weak. The voice in the back of my head rings, screaming like a bigot. Its message is loud and clear. What was I thinking? How could I have ever let myself hang on for so long? You will never understand why it hurts. Someone has reached right through my skin, I feel that icy vicelike grip on my heart, the hand that's slowly, bit by bit, pulling my heart out from my chest.

I've got to stop being an emo shit, dammit. I'm supposed to thinking about nothing except studies at this point in time. I should talk about this to someone. I need honesty, more than ever, now. honesty in its most brutal form. I've got to know... ):