54 who gives a damn?

just got berated at because of the state of my grades.

I really do not need this right now. don't you think I would know how much my grades suck, fuck la.

... i don't really talk out a lot of stuff with my friends this year, not when I'm pissed or just plain bothered about something. last year it used to be the case that every time I got worked up about something I'd jump at the chance to talk to somebody about it. now I just dump everything in one corner and immunize myself to being affected in any way, and I move on...

not really sure why this is the case.. it's worked well in some aspects, cos there are some things I really musn't tell just anyone... like there are some things I only tell my cousins without telling my friends, there are some things i only tell my friends without telling my cousins... and then there's some things I don't even tell anyone at all. lol

but I've always been the kind of person who runs to a friend and spills all the moment I get the chance to. it's just this year that's different. actually, it isn't that I can't explain why I've changed that way... last year I told some people some stuff only to hear them tell me exactly what they think about me because of that.. I don't need that shit. :x but that's not the main reason, I get over that kind of crap relatively faster than some other people i know..

I think I've been doing this for the sake of someone else, without even realizing that I'm doing it because of that someone... for his/her sake and mine, I pray it works out...

although I kind of enjoy it. it's just a very peaceful feeling when I lie there in bed staring at the ceiling thinking things over so I don't go crazy with all the things going through my brain every day... just that place nobody can get in. it's me myself and I and nobody's gonna knock on the door and come in, because it's too late at night.

this post doesn't make much sense, I didn't even think about it that much before writing. verbal diarrhoea? hahhaha.. well. gnite.