45 cos there's sunset in your eyes

I hate myself right now, I really do.

I think I'm so freaking dumb for pulling wool over my own eyes because I didn't want to see things as they are. fucking dumb. I wonder if anyone else has ever done that, and I don't know about them but I really feel like a fucking idiot for doing that and I cannot say how damn pissed I am about this -.-

I have to grow up. I cannot be thinking about alternate scenarios and shit like that, I really don't think it would do me any good. I have to put my foot down and dump everything else and freaking move on, I can't believe it's taken me so long and it's been such a fucking painful process but I have to stop being a freaking baby and actually go through with it and make sure it succeeds.

I have to do this if I want to grow up. and I'm doing it, starting tomorrow, no matter what. I fucking swear. ):