#37 you're not a man, you're just a mannequin

it's funny how certain people's facial expressions at certain points in time are imprinted into your memory, like someone had taken one of those hot rods and burnt the image into your mind... and for a while it just says there like a fresh, searingly painful burn, and you can't shake the image off your mind no matter how hard you tried... why is that?

today I saw a guy I know, and when we locked eyes his facial expression changed completely, he straightened up almost immediately and then he went kinda stony but at the same time somehow kinda worried and then when he walked past me he said something to me that hurt me quite a bit. he didn't even say hello, or goodbye.

and I can still remember the exact expression on his face! I wish I didn't remember it at all, because I'm wondering why he's so hostile all of a sudden and I feel guilty without even knowing exactly what I did that was so wrong! you know how much that sucks. I wish I had the ability to put it aside and just dismiss the thought, but like it or not, he is my friend. I care about every single one of my friends, and when someone says something like that to you, in a tone that's dripping with sneering contempt, and you don't know why, I know it sounds silly for me to care so much but I doooooooo

why am I ranting like a fricking irritating whiny little kid. here. oh god, shut up santri get back to your work dammit. :x